hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Randomize
