We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
