Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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