32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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