i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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