I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
