Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
