made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
