Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
