Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I am naked and annoyed.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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