My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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