So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
