She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
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