Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
