i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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