she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
