need another drink. this is the easiest way
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
she told me i tasted like america
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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