she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
