just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
