I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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