i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
