I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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