i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
