How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
