you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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