you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
