Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
