before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
