Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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