I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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