i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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