You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
my poor anus
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
