happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
