the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
