1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Randomize
