My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
