remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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