I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize