I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
