You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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