i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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