all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Randomize
