apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
