Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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