Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
