Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
