my vag is so smooth its legendary
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
he thought i was a dude.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Randomize
