Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
