I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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