Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
