Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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