the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
