so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I fill condoms, not promises.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
