i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
