I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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