Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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