News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
