I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
