I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
