So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
It's never too late to be topless.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
