Dude my mom stole all your condoms
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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