I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
they need to just BURY HIM!
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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