dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
