I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
