Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
