we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
