Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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