I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
